Although I warn you....I couldn't sleep last night and wrote this between 2 and 4 AM. DX
And I tried to edit it the best I could, but I'm running on about an hour and a half of sleep....
Title: Star Gazing
Rating: PG?...nothing bad. Not even a swear word, I think.
Fandom: Super Junior
Pairing: YehChul, mentioned KiHae, KyuMin...and a couple others?
Summary: HeeChul is feeling down and stays up all night looking at the stars.
Warning: Lonely HeeChul, no sex, and a little sappy moment? xDDD
Notes: The CLEANEST THING I HAVE EVER WRITTEN! Omg...no sleep does weird things to my brain. OoO;;; And I apologize if some things don't make sense...this was written at 2 AM to 4 AM and edited by me who is running on an hour and a half of sleep. xD;;;
It’s just one of those nights again. One of those ‘I can’t sleep so I’ll stay up until the sun rises’ nights, where after about ten minutes of gazing out the window at the stars by yourself makes you realize just how lonely you are. I despise those nights. What I despise even more is the fact that I give into them so easily and I become completely immersed in my feelings and emotions, the vicious silence all around me, and those damn stars. When that happens, I become a very bitter and unpleasant Kim HeeChul.
I’ve planted myself on the couch in front of the window with my knees pulled to my chest and my chin resting on my knees. I stare with dry eyes straight ahead of me at the night sky, unblinking and frozen in place, almost like a fragile, humourless doll or an ancient mummy. My arms hang loosely by my sides and my hands gently massage my chilly feet in a feeble attempt to warm them up just a bit. It isn’t working too well; it’s just making my hands cold, too, and it’s making my mood even more sour.
Everyone is in bed, and probably fast asleep, I’m sure. Donghae is probably snoring away cutely with his head on Kibum’s chest; twitching every now and then at the slight ticklish feeling of the other boy running his fingers through his hair. His mouth is most likely open a little bit, and he’s probably drooling. Kibum doesn’t care one bit, though, I know. He’s smiling through it, whispering softly to Donghae, making the snoozing boy‘s dreams a bit sweeter.
Kyuhyun and Sungmin are sleeping not so peacefully together. Sungmin has probably kicked the youngest boy to the ground by now. He’s probably still sleeping there, too. Soon, Sungmin will wake when he feels a cold spot next to him and groan tiredly and worriedly because his Kyuhyun is missing. Only for a moment, though. Within seconds he’ll flop over on his belly and bury his face into the fluffy pillow, riding the train to dreamland once again, while Kyuhyun will stay in his position on the floor and tug the blankets down away from his lover when he starts to feel cool.
The last I heard about Hankyun, Siwon, and Kangin were that they were drinking and playing video games and being quite loud and annoying. Eunhyuk simply watched over them to make sure they stayed out of trouble. I’m sure they’ve passed out on top of each other by now, Siwon and Hankyun in a rather suggestive position while Kangin’s body is half-pinning Eunhyunk to the bed or floor. Eunhyuk is probably still awake and red as a Coca-Cola can, for his feelings for his friend are far too much for him to handle, especially in a situation like the one he‘s probably in. I guess I’ll find out in the morning from Eunhyukie if he decided to act or not.
I’m not too sure about the others, actually, but I’ll just try to guess; Shindong is fast asleep, snoring loudly with a book loosely in his fingers. He’s lost his page and when he wakes up, he’s going to be pretty annoyed. Even more annoyed when he finds out his ramen will be sitting on the table next to him, untouched.
If you were to go into Eeteuk and Ryeowook’s room, you would see Eeteuk hyung’s face squished on the sheets; his cute, bushy little pony-tail sticking up like a mighty miniature flag at the back of his head and a little line of warm saliva creeping down his cheek and wetting the soft fabric beneath him. He’s pushed his pillow down near his legs somehow and both an arm and a leg are hanging off the edge of the bed. His over-sized t-shirt is wrapped around his body in an annoying fashion and he’s snoring. Even so, he still looks like an angel.
Ryeowook is sleeping silently with the blankets covering his entire body, even his head, in a way that says, “Do not disturb”. His hair is ruffled and sticking up cutely in every direction as he rolls over on his back, snorting a bit. He’s in a deep, dreamless sleep and I know we won’t see him until much later in the day.
As for Yehsung…I don’t know what he’s doing. Probably doing Yehsung-y things. I don’t know what those are, exactly. He’s not exactly a talker, or ever a doer for that matter. He’s just there.
I exhale sadly and close my eyes momentarily; the light from the stars becoming too bright for my eyes to handle. When I open them again, I’m greeted by the same sight. My eyes slowly move away from the little lights in the sky and I turn my attention to the dark silhouettes of the distant mountains. I suddenly become curious about them; what on Earth is on the other side? How long would it take me to get there by walking? I wonder if there are any undiscovered creatures lurking in the thick forest. Cavemen, perhaps, or big foot?
I blink owlishly at the dark lumps in the horizon and move my hands to gather my hair and organize it just right at the back of my head. Once I know it’s set, I slip the little pink elastic from around my wrist to around my hair instead and quickly secure it. Twist and slip, twist and slip, twist and slip, and I’m done.
“Isn’t it a bit late to be doing your hair, hyung?”
I flinch in my seat and quickly turn my head around as my heart starts to beat a bit faster from the unexpected visitor. I see Yehsung standing in the doorway with his arms folded across his chest and his glasses on his nose, dressed in a deliciously tight-fitting tank top and his favourite PJ pants. They are a matte black in color and silky and they have little white hearts dotting the dark material. They’re my favourite, too. I would steal them sometimes when he was out of town because they feel really nice. I haven’t told him, though. I like the risk in stealing the members’ things, because I know there is the chance of getting caught. It thrills me in an odd way even if it’s over something silly like a simple pair of pants.
I smirk at him and pat my head softly, making sure that nothing is out of place, “Beauty does not have a curfew, you know.” I reply cleverly. He rolls his eyes at me and I can spot a hint of a smile on his face. I return to my day dreaming about the cool mountains. I jump again once I realize that Yehsung is right beside me. I‘m not usually this jumpy, but my mountain monster thoughts are starting to get to me.
“It’s almost half past twelve in the morning, HeeChul hyung.” he informs me. I look up at him with furrowed brows. He’s leaning on the back of the couch coolly and giving me a questioning look from behind his glasses. I look a bit more to the left to see the clock on the DVD player flash “12:23 AM” in bright blue numbers at me. I hum to myself, finding this quite interesting. How long had I been out here for? Where did the time go?
“I can’t sleep.” Is what I tell him. I don’t tell him why because I’m not even really sure why. Loneliness, no alcohol, everyone being so disgustingly happy…plus some more reasons that I can’t seem to pin-point. Oh, and my leg has been causing me discomfort, too.
I can see his reflection in the window and I see him nodding slowly, “Me neither,” he says in his smooth, gentle voice, “Some of the others…they raided my room and passed out all over the place, including my bed. I can‘t move them, so I‘m kind of forced out.” he sighs. A little chuckle escapes from my lips and I pat the soft cushion next to me, inviting him to enjoy my little party of one. He got the message and moved from his position behind the couch to sit next to me. He pulls his legs up close to his body like me and in doing so, I feel his arm brush against mine. He’s so warm it sends a shiver through my body like a ripple in water. It makes me remember how cold I am.
I could see his eyes move from the window to me and to the glass once again, “Star gazing?” the tone in his voice was a curious one. It was almost as if he was surprised I would be doing such a thing. I had forgotten about the stars, to be honest. I was so wrapped up in big foot fantasies that I had forgotten what I had been doing prior to that. Instead of sharing my ‘mysterious creature theories’ with Yehsung, I reply with a simple ‘yes’ and turn my gaze a little higher.
I let my eyes quickly skim through the blanket of dazzling lights, though I did thoroughly exam each one that really caught my eye.
Every one thinks that all the stars look the same, but they’re all quite different I realize. They think they’re all the same size, same shape, with the same level of light, however I discovered that to be untrue. I saw some that were bigger, rounder than others, twinkling gracefully and proudly. Those ones were truly beautiful. People could see them in their sleep, I’m sure. The stars of the stars, sticking out gracefully against the jet-black background. I lick my dry lips and sigh, finding that I am quickly becoming jealous of those beautiful shining stars, even though inside I know that I would be classified as one of them. I sure don’t feel like one at this moment, though.
I then take notice of a different star; it’s bigger than the bright one, but my eyes almost missed it. It’s very close to the pretty one; so close, that they might be almost touching. However, the bigger star doesn’t shine or twinkle. It kind of flickers on and off dully. Sometimes I think it has disappeared, but then its pale light shines through the thick blackness once again. It’s really quite dim and boring. It could be pretty if it was a little brighter, but it’s just kind of there. I decide I don’t rather care for that star and move on, only to see a little satellite swiftly cruising through the night sky. It blinks white, red, blue, white, red, blue. I think it’s annoying and quickly look away before it gives me a headache. My eyes meet ’my star’ again and I glare at it for out-shining me and for being way up there in the sky. ‘Lucky bastard…’ I think to myself.
Something is different about it’s surroundings, though. I notice that the boring, hidden star is a bit brighter now. It continues to flash it’s weak light towards me, but it seems as if it’s trying harder to be beautiful and shining like the others. At least, that’s the reason I’ve come up with for the little star. I give it a small smile of encouragement before my eyes are taken to the sight of something spectacular; a wonderful shooting star with the longest tail I have ever seen. Before I can gasp out loud at my discovery, I make a wish, then I hear Yehsung’s voice echo through the dark, empty room, “Hyung,” it says, holding a wondrous tone, “Did you see that shooting star?”. He’s been so quiet, I had forgotten he was even there. I turn my head to look at him and I smile; his calm, relaxed mood making me feel at ease. “I did.“ I reply back. He stares out at the night sky with a questioning gaze as if he were trying to find the answers to his questions and actually believing he would get them if he looked long and hard enough.
It was odd how I’ve never really paid much attention towards him. Yehsung is a great guy; quiet, gentle, intelligent, and kind. He never really does anything to stand out too much. Only when he sings. Then people would stop and listen. In my personal opinion, he has one of the strongest voices in our group. However, the guy is so damn quiet that he is almost never the first one to be noticed. Or the second, or the third, and so on. The again, in a group with twelve other guys, it’s really hard to stand out. That’s why I act the way I do, I think.
I wonder if that bugs him, or if he’s happy with his place in the group right now. I’ve always assumed he is, but I have never heard what he has to say about it. I don’t even think I’ve heard Yehsung complain about anything. I realize now that I don’t even know as much about the guy as I did the others, and I suddenly became so curious. I wanted to ask him questions and have him answer me truthfully. I wanted to learn more about him and become close with him like I was with the others. He breaks his stare from the sky and looks down at his knees instead, rubbing his hands together and yawning cutely. I realize something else, too.
“Yehsung…” I say suddenly, demanding that he look up at me. He does and turns his head quickly in my direction at my sudden urgent tone of voice. When our eyes meet, he raises an eyebrow at me as I stare back at him with wide eyes. I give him my smile and look out the window, trying to find the dim star. I spot the beautiful one first since it’s so easy to point out, then upon careful searching, I find the other star trying it’s best to burn brightly beside the other. I quickly point to it, making sure to be as accurate as possible, “Do you see that star? The pale one beside that bright one? Look closely…” He stares at me for a moment, completely puzzled, before following my long reach and squinting at the sky, “Ahh…I can’t…oh, right there?” he pointed towards the brave little star. I nod happily and answer him properly with a quiet yes. “It reminds me of you.” I tell him. He must’ve thought I was nuts, I’m sure. He snorted a bit, cocking an eyebrow and laughing a bit, “It does? How so?”
“When I first saw the star, I almost missed it. I couldn’t see it past all those shining ones,” I explain carefully, “Once I did see it, however, I didn’t pay any attention to it. ‘It’s so dim and dull,’ I thought, ‘It doesn’t compare to the other ones.’ But that star tries it’s best to shine brightly over the dark Earth. It gives a hundred and ten percent and it still becomes ignored. You both prefer to keep to yourselves and just do what you were meant to do, without trying to show off. I think you both don’t get enough credit for the things you do.” I look into Yehsung’s eyes, trying to let him know that my words are genuine.
His reaction was confusing to me; he seemed touched, sad, and a little bit unsure of my theory. He gave me a warm, toothy smile, however, one that I don’t think I had seen before since we met. I also see a rosy color start to take over his cheeks and he no longer looks at me, but his lap instead, “Thank you, hyung.” his voice is quiet and almost shy. He shifts in his place awkwardly and looks at me again, running a hand through his raven-colored hair, “You must be the brightest one…right there.” he stated, pointing high into the sky at a large, shimmering star, “The highest in the sky.”
“I don’t think so,” I giggle, “I’m that one right next to you,” I tell him, “See? Even our positions right now match.” I pointed out by showing him the positions of the stars and where we were on the couch. It fit perfectly, I thought, it was kind of cute. He nods his head and agrees, before asking, “Do the stars move, hyung?”
“Mine won’t move,” I said flatly, “I think my star likes it’s companion, even though it’s just starting to come out and shine. It’s really pretty in it’s own way. It’ll stick around for a while and get to know what kind of star it is.”
Yehsung gives me another bright smile and playfully nudges me with his shoulder, placing his hand over top of mine for a brief moment, “I’m sure my star would be quite happy with that, hyung.” I let my eyes roll downward to gaze on the tingling skin on my hand from where he had touched me. I don’t say anything else to him. Instead, I scoot a little closer and let my head loll to the side and just barely touch his. I feel his arm slip around my shoulders and pull me close and he grabs the thick blanket from the back of the couch to throw over top of us. I ruffle the blanket around me and snuggle in to it. We both gaze back in to the sky at our stars and I truly do wonder if maybe it’s some kind of sign or if they were together like this every night; and if they weren’t, would they be now? I decide that we will return here tomorrow night as well to test that theory out. For now, though, we’ll just watch the stars together and maybe I’ll find another shooting star.
I wonder what Yehsung wished for, and if it will come true or not. I hope it does for him, because my wish came true; that feeling of loneliness that was once tearing my insides up is now gone just like that, thanks to Yehsung and my new favourite shape. I just want one more falling star to ensure it will stay that way, or my new little dull star to shine brightly and tell me that I‘ll have nothing to worry about. Hopefully, he won’t decide to burn out anytime soon, because I think it would change the sky too much, and I look forward to seeing him next to me in the future when I look up at the night sky.
Gahh~ This is what 4 AM makes me do some nights. O.O;;
(If there are any major errors/pieces that don't make sense, please let me know and I'll fix it.)